


Blemishes and bruises and arterial spray

by EliolovesOliver



Series: SLOWBURN? MORE LIKE SLOWLEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF AMMIRITE!?! [9]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Again, Gen, Introspection, emotions done wrong, kind of anxiety, told you i didnt hate dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 07:07:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21472024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliolovesOliver/pseuds/EliolovesOliver
Summary: Confidence is key, or whatnot.
Series: SLOWBURN? MORE LIKE SLOWLEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF AMMIRITE!?! [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1410814
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	Blemishes and bruises and arterial spray

Contrary to popular belief Dick Grayson was not a confident man. He was riddled with insecurities, self doubt and second guessing. 

But he had been raised to exude confidence; first with his parents ("It makes all the difference Dickie, your body knowing how to move doesn't mean much if your mind and heart aren't in it.") because all performers needed it to be successful, then with Bruce ("Trust me, chum. The cameras are always looking for flaws so just pretend you know what your doing, if you trip up just do a backflip and make them think that's what you were going for to begin with.").

So basically he had always been faking it. So when he and Bruce started fighting (about some pointless shit and some very pointy shit) he had finally had enough and just gone somewhere he could be himself, made some friends and learned to be anxious without having to be paranoid. It was nice not knowing what would happen, only that he could take care of it when push came to shove.

But then Alfred invited him home for a surprise and what a surprise it had been. A tiny, angry, rude little sewer rat that Bruce was replacing him with.

Well, that's how he had felt in the heat of the moment so he had screamed at the poor kid and had another fight with Bruce then left. Again.

By the time he had finished licking his wounds and realised he needed to apologise to the boy for snapping at him, Jason had been too upset with him to accept his invitations to ball games and outings (and too scared to be in a room alone with Dick).

But eventually Dick wore him down and they'd- they'd gotten along really well. But then Bruce came home one day holding the hand of a boy who could have been mistaken for a porcelain doll, face pale and eyes empty and soulless. (Seriously, Dick had gone to Raven and begged the younger girl to purify his aura after meeting the kid, he was so creepy.)

And about a month later Jason was gone. And Dick was determined to be a better brother, to make sure Tim knew he didn't have to run away, that help was right here.

Dick didn't know how to feel about getting snot and tears into favourite t-shirt but the hug was nice.

(Dick also carefully never mentioned to anyone the minor crush he knew Tim had on Jason ever because they were his brothers and that was kinda weird.)

But later, when Talia dropped Damian into their laps and Bruce went on a bender (because he had yet another son whom he had let down) but chose not to tell anyone, Dick had to fake it again.

And that's why everything went to shit. He had to shove his own feelings aside and be confident that things would work out.

Damian was such a good and sensitive child, he just hid his insecurities and loneliness behind aloofness and being a complete brat.

He had seen that and he had hoped that Tim saw it too.

And maybe he had, Tim had been trying but... 

Tim and Damian fought. A lot. About everything. And Dick didn't know how to deal with that and the media and Bruce's disappearance and the crushing guilt of Jason- 

He had a breakdown. He just snapped and screamed and acted unreasonably because he couldn't pretend everything was fine anymore. 

To make a crappy situation worse, it was all directed at Tim. After Damian had stabbed him.

Dick would never forget the way that broken look in Tim's eyes reverted back to soulless porcelain.

So Tim left and got himself emancipated, stayed in a hotel while he was apartment hunting and quit school and Dick- Dick pretended everything was fine during the day and cried himself to sleep at night.

The only person who had grown happier was Damian. He was by no means a normal little kid but Dick knew he was getting there, he was freeier with his smiles, it was easier to get him to play, he warmed up to Dick and Alfred.

But then Bruce came back.

(Dick spent the whole of that first night crying into Bruce's shoulder and punching him periodically. It was very therapeutic.)

And Bruce didn't have to fake confidence, he instantly knew what to do, he somehow found and retrieved Jason and convinced Tim to come back home and even asked Dick to stay. 

And Dick really wanted everything to be fine and he knew he had a lot of fuck ups to atone for. So he stayed.

And at first, it was just awkward.  
Damian spent all his time trying to go back to how he was, ignored Dick and tried to impress Bruce for a while and Jason just sat around with his jaw tense and Tim's eyes always looked so vacant.

And for the first time in a long while Dick allowed himself to accept that things probably wouldn't be fine.

It didn't feel as good as it had the first time.

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't part of the plan tbh. It kind of wrote itself after Jay's chapter and I really hope I can go back to writing happy times.


End file.
